I’m back on the Hentai train again. It was bound to happen sooner or later but given I’ll be on tour with Big John Bates soon, and that means my mind begins to drift to what we’ll term ‘outside projects’. One of these is a Michelle L’Amour-inspired number but it is decidedly more geared to the fetish crowd. I won’t go into too many details but suffice to say, it’ll be pretty awesome when done (the largest component is being made as I type this!). But like all good burlettas, it requires a lot of research to get it just right and in doing so it means, in this case, watching a LOT of Hentai. I can tell you that it’s strictly for research purposes, but in all honesty, I’ve been doing the research since I was eighteen.

What has dazzled me about this experience is that one day in passing, I posted on Facebook that I was watching a lot of tentacle rape Hentai (but for research) and all of a sudden I discovered something about my peers. Everyone came forward with either a link or suggestion for the best or favorite movie, scene, clip. My inbox on my email got taut with links and videos. I got zip files a plenty. From this I learned two things:

1) I will have to buy a lot of ultraslime for this number.

2) Everyone has a closet pervy quality and enjoys a good tentacle rape scene.

I’m not condoning rape. Rape is a bad and scary thing. But we can’t deny that there is some deep, reptilian thing in our brains that in many of crave to have it acted upon (as long as it’s consensual). The staggering response to my fairly innocent post pointed out something to me about a lot of people, from very different lifestyles, backgrounds and scenes: Hentai is kind of okay. Given that it’s a cartoon and it’s not real, there is no victimization of actual people, so many of the situations are so preposterous they have no basis in ANY reality (and even if it did no one looks like that). So everyone can enjoy a temporary leave of the day to day and enjoy seeing a cartoon getting drilled by a giant octopus guilt free.

Why do I need to create these ridiculous onstage spectacles? Aside from the fact that it’s awesome, it’s because I am living proof that nepotism doesn’t work. I share a basic DNA sequence with a VERY well known crooner,  but even with this genetic tie, it’s not enough to help me raise my own profile. As cool as it would be to perform burlesque live to “Feelin’ Fine” for Michael Buble (yes, I name dropped. No regrets) rather than dancing to the canned version of it, I have a feeling he’s not racing to put his ridiculous performance-artist cousin onstage with him. At least not as one of Giger’s monsters, anyways. Maybe one day when he wants to break the chains of his internationally famous success and regress into a more underground and gritty exploration of live music and performance, he’ll look me up.

Until then, I’m going to stick with my Hentai.

Little Miss Risk

You know, I never wanted to be one of those girls that just expected men (or women) to buy me things because I’m pretty or because I, well, expect it. I would much rather put in the effort to obtain object I desire though my own hard work and enjoy the fruits of my labour. Also then there’s no awkward expectations with myself or obligations. But having said that and looking at not one but two really amazing magic illusions that have come up for sale, as well as these shoes I am not entirely convinced anymore and I can feel my altrusim fading quickly.

“Dear Santa, I’ve been extra good this year. Didn’t set all the fires they thought I would. So for an early xmas present, please bring me these shoes, size 6. I promise to delight my neighbors and wear them with nothing around the house.”

I can be a third wave feminist, take my clothes off for money and still accept gifts from strangers, right?

LMR

First off, apologies for the long post. There is  method to my madness however, and that’s to make it easy for you to find the next upcoming Big John Bates show coming to your area. So for all our confirmed dates I’ve made Facebook event invites and posted them here and on the group. Because I love you and I want to see you at the shows and your friends as well. Without further ado:

SUMMER 2010 DATES:

Jun 19 – Portland, OR @ ROSE CITY ROUNDUP FESTIVAL
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/tristan.risk#!/event.php?eid=127088537318142&ref=mf

Jun 25 – Walla Walla, WA @ CHARLES SMITH WINES
http://edshawentertainment.blogspot.com/2010/06/k-vintners-and-charles-smith-wines.html

Jul 03 – Bellingham, WA @ Plan B
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=125979514093704&ref=ts

Jul 04 – Seattle, WA @ Motor
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=111412655569684

Jul 07 – Invemere, BC @ Bud’s
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=130679426943110

Jul 08 – Nelson, BC @ Finley’s
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=125814014107633

Jul 09 – Penticton, BC @ Voodoo Lounge
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=125004280853403

Jul 10 – TBA

Jul 11 – Whistler, BC @ Garfinkle’s
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=120696071302852

Jul 30 – TBA

Jul 31 – Driftpile, AB @ NORTH COUNTRY STOMP – LSLNCCA Land
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=126984180653151

Aug 01 – Jasper, AB @ Pete’s
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=126628060690021

Aug 03 – TBA

Aug 04 – Elkford, BC @ TBC

Aug 05 – Salmo, BC @ SHAMBALA FESTIVAL – Rock Pit Stage

Aug 06 – Golden, BC @ Rockwater
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=108095802571593

Aug 07 – Banff, AB @ Wild Bill’s
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=115833408462132

Aug 08 – Canmore, AB @ TBC

2010 FALL TOUR:

USA

Sep 07 – Spokane, WA @ TBA
Sep 08 – Missoula, MT @ TBA

Sep 09 – Bozeman, MT @ The Zebra Lounge
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=111464465566849

Sep 10 – Bismark, ND @ Burnt Creek
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=129346613759967

Sep 11 – Fargo, ND @ TBA
Sep 14 – Madison, WI @ TBA

Sep 15 – De Pere, WI @ Baba Louie’s
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=128123740548900

Sep 16 – Milwaukee, WI @ Frank’s Power Plant
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=111544275558443

Sep 17 – Neenah, WI @ Cranky Pat’s
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=123511847686265

Sep 18 – Kenosha, WI @ Harley House
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=128385387190672

Sep 20 – Alton, IL @ Mardi Krawlers
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=134100283268156

Sep 21 – Springfield, MO @ Nathan P. Murphy’s
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=116901515020061

Sep 22 – Kansas City, MO @ Davy’s Uptown
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=110092625703194#!/event.php?eid=123325284372990&ref=ts

Sep 23 – Denver, CO @ Three Kings
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=110092625703194

Sep 24 – Grand Junction, CO @ Tenacious Bros
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=125740687456549

Sep 25 – Pueblo, CO @ TBA

Sep 26 – McCook, NB @ Sport’s
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=129051753779636

Sep 28 – Kearney, NE @ The Garage
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=133733379971888

Sep 30 – Rock Island, IL @ Rock Island Brewing Co
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=129271313760838

Oct 01 – Lansing, MI @ Mac’s Bar
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=132119030148357

Oct 02 – Erie, PA @ The Crooked I
Event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=101227996594232

EU – Oct 7 to Nov 20
CAN – Nov 25 to Dec 11

For more info check out http://www.bigjohnbates.com/tourdate.html

Be sure to keep up with all the online hijinx and our upcoming US tour at http://www.bigjohnbates.com/, and our tour blog (featured on Exclaim! and www.bbad.com)

So bust out the SPF 99 because we’ll be blazing your eyeballs right up into the autumn! And feel free to bring us your picnic baskets filled with food, booze and tortured souls.

xoxoxo

Little Miss Risk

I’m not quite a trauma magnet when it comes to life events. Indeed, I seem to have circumvented near disaster a lot in the past few weeks between spraining my wrist, (though not breaking it), finding an ecosystem in my closet, (and flushing it), and learning that some things require closer inspection and awareness. I’m thankful for my luck because any of these situations could have blown up into something horrible but wound up just making really funny anecdotes to tell people and watch them cringe.

So, for anyone who knows me even in passing knows I’m not suitable parent material. I have no patience for children, an aversion to feces, strange smells, and children’s entertainers. There are plenty of people with viable ovaries and better life skills I feel who will continue the species and don’t require my genetic output. So it was with a great sense of unease on day two as I started to feel unwell and then be violently sick. I mulled over the possibilities: I was fine by afternoon both days and it was just in the morning it would hit me. While I had my head in the toilet bowl on day three I was convinced it was neither food poisoning or virus. In my mind that only left one explanation…

I should stop here and point out that my roommate was in Las Vegas performing at the Burlesque Hall Of Fame weekend with my of my friends. So my slow, unravelling of sanity was unchecked by the voice of reason. Reason was noticeably absent. If Lola had perhaps been around and I could have talked it out with her then I might have had someone put on the brakes. The decent into Stephen King-like madness in my own mind made perfect sense: I was not sick up throwing up every morning, couldn’t remember my period and so came to the conclusion I was pregnant.

Panic.

I should point out too that the potential father was in New York and so my panic factor nudged itself up significantly. What to do? Call him? Wait? Send a text message and be passive aggressive and say “We have a situation”? So keep in mind with roommate and gentleman caller out of the picture I got a little unhinged for a few days.

Day four. I had an attack of sensibility come over me. I thought about my morning routine, my coffee, breakfast… Breakfast! Looked at the milk and lo and behold it had been there, uh, awhile. Yep, eating spoiled milk for four days, kids. But how could I not tell or taste it? It seems that my uber-healthy ancient grains and unprocessed cereal tends to turn the milk kind of funny, even when it’s fresh. So I didn’t notice and instead worked myself into a frenzy thinking I was playing host to a parasite with my partial DNA.

So the moral of the story: condoms, IUD, oral contraceptives, and a vascetomy are the best ways to ensure no pregnancy and check the dates on your milk every time you pour. Thus ends the lesson.

LMR

Wow. I can’t really use the excuse I’ve been recovering from tour/festival/insert life-consuming event here… Truth is I’ve been going to a lot of dance classes, shows, and enjoying the fruits of my travel with friends.  It’s been a very good start to the summer season so far. I had fully prepared to take the summer off from band stuff and using it to work on other projects. However, life does tend to take  dim view to us being captains of our own fate too often, and promply smacked me a contradicting hand.

So, now I’ve seen we’re doing many shows through the summer and then embarking on a three month world tour. I’m using this as an oppertunity to torture the world with my newly honed magic arts and also to test the waters in a new stage show format. We’ll see how it all goes. Now that Brandy is FINALLY out of school (Forensic Anthropology – a few light studies) we can build more and more.

But I’ve posted the dates that are confirmed and event invitations to the Big John Bates and the Voodoo Dollz group on Facebook, so now people can invite their friends. What can I say? I’m lazy and I’ll let social networking websites do the promo for me….

Anyways, I will write a proper post later, possibly even tonight. But in case anyone was wondering, I’m not dead yet.

xo

Little Miss Risk

(I swear I’ll write a really, real blog tomorrow, when I’ve some time. For now here’s an lowdown on our low brow…)

What, oh what, have Big John Bates and the Voodoo Dollz been up to since recovering since their spring tour? Now that daggers are no longer drawn and held to one another’s throats, we have some spiffy news…

The new Voodoo Ball DVD is currently getting cut, under the knife, and we’re planning the next shoot for the next Big John Bates music videos for Keyhole Lens Revue, Hardline, and Bikini Falls! Stay tuned for the best music videos that you’ll NEVER see on MuchMusic!

SUMMER 2010 DATES:

Jun 18 – TBA
Jun 19 – Portland, OR @ ROSE CITY ROUNDUP FESTIVAL

Jun 25 – Walla Walla, WA @ Charles Smith Wines

Jul 03 – TBA
Jul 04 – Seattle, WA @ Motor
Jul 06 – Spokane, WA @ Mooty’s
Jul 07 – Invemere, BC @ Bud’s
Jul 08 – Nelson, BC @ Finley’s
Jul 09 – Penticton @ Voodoo Lounge
Jul 10 – BC @ TBA
Jul 11 – Whistler @ Garfinkle’s

Jul 29 – BC @ TBA
Jul 30 – AB @ TBA
Jul 31 – Driftpile, AB @ NORTH COUNTRY STOMP – LSLNCCA Land
Aug 01 – Revelstoke @ TBA
Aug 03 – BC @ TBA
Aug 04 – Elkford, BC
Aug 05 – Salmo, BC @ SHAMBALA FESTIVAL – Rock Pit Stage
Aug 06 – Golden, BC @ Rockwater
Aug 07 – Banff, AB @ Wild Bill’s
Aug 08 – Canmore, AB @ TBA

2010 FALL TOUR:

USA – Sept 7 to Oct 2
EU – Oct 7 to Nov 20
CAN – Nov 25 to Dec 11

For more info check out http://www.bigjohnbates.com/tourdate.html

Be sure to keep up with all the online hijinx and our upcoming US tour at http://www.bigjohnbates.com/, and our tour blog (featured on Exclaim! and www.bbad.com)

MySpace: (http://www.myspace.com/bigjohnbatesandthevoodoodollz)

Facebook: (http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/group.php?gid=24437548352)

Twitter: (http://twitter.com/bigjohnbates)
(http://twitter.com/littlemissrisk)

Keep checking our website for new items at http://www.bigjohnbates.com/

Hugs and hisses,
Little Miss Risk

PS: I’ll be uploading some videos and tour photos tomorrow. Swear on the head of my neighbor’s cat in heat.

SO…

It’s been a sufficient time since the end of the last tour and now the end of the 5th Annual Vancouver International Burlesque Festival that I can start to function like a human being again and not the sparkle-driven whiskey-fuelled zombie I was. Who had great lashes. I think that after the Friday Sweet Soul show, when the lovely Evilyn assisted me with my magic act and having  some twelve ounces of glitter dumped onto me and  then find it’s way into EVERY possible orifice on me (and apparently every crevice at the Rickshaw theatre which hosted the event) I have officially hit glitter rehab.

In order to combat this though, I’m getting back on the BJB horse again, dragging Bloody Betty out for some shows with me. It will be refreshing to do the BJB numbers again, even though after the last tour I had to go mute for awhile. When anyone asked me about tour I got this weird rictus on my face and told them it was too soon to discuss it. It sort of felt like a war and that I couldn’t really talk about it. I still can’t, come to that. All I will say is despite the fact that everyone came perilously closes to dying at everyone else’s hands at lest twice in eight weeks, our body count remains at zero. But with the support of family and friends, I am coming around and I no long wake up having nightmares of being back in the Murderbus.

Some cool news, though. The Burlesque Hall Of Fame weekend in Las Vegas will have a large number of Vancouver performers representing there: Both Sweet Soul Burlesque and Screaming Chicken are up for Best Troupe and former Voodoo Dollz Burgundy Brixx, Lola Frost and Cherry On Top are up for Best Debut.  I would say congrats, but I won’t lie, it definitely makes our band look good (any myself exceptionally proud) to have had these amazing performers tour with us. It’s also interesting to note that Jay Z wants Rihanna to be the face of a chain of ‘burlesque clubs’ he’s looking to invest in. I’m guessing this will more than likely be a Pussycat Dolls-like school of burlesque and nothing that is either true to the old glamour or the avante guard performance art. But instead of getting mad about the idea, I think about this instead and smile. If this past tour and weekend were anything to go by, DIY artists who can pull out amazing shows out of nothingness, and legends like Judith Stein will help keep the art strong.

Worse comes to worse, if these clubs open then it may make air humping, crawling on hands and knees, and chair grinding socially acceptable when my peers have too much to drink (or too much glitter in their systems).

Now, to get dolled up and meet the boys to watch the Canucks game. Here’s hoping Chicago’s ass gets a spanking!

Mwuah!

Little Miss Risk

I’m back online and no longer hiding in my room. For someone who spent eight weeks in a bus I came home and became completely agoraphobic, leaving my house only to buy groceries and attend yoga classes. I broke my fast of being a hermit last night by hosting the House Of A 1000 Corpses/ Prince Of Darkness double bill with Bloody Betty. I woke this morning covered in fake blood. There is something to be said for waking up sticky and alone as a character builder.

While reviewing world events on CBC I also noticed that Mr.Bret Michaels suffered a brain hemorrhage. The full story is here. Got me asking the question: after three seasons of Rock Of Love, The Apprentice, and a career out of Poison, they only pick up on the brain stem issues NOW? I attributed most of those fashion statements to far worse cerebral problems.

Just kidding, Bret. Get well soon, or the strippers will start to cry.

Little Miss Risk

After five weeks in the USA, I’ve dodged the free-pour at bars, memorized the menu for Cracker Barrel, and marvelled at the wonder of American candy bars and food stuffs (I’m still puzzled by Moon Pies, however). It is with some relief I’ve returned to Canada, though I’m as far from home as I was anywhere in continental United States. But on my morning run seeing Shopper Drug Marts and Tim Hortons I felt comforted, somewhat. It was while I was passing my third Timmy Ho’s that my mind started to wander (as it does these days) about how the mechanics of my mind enjoy burlesque and all that they entail. I was able to come up with the following reasons….

Little Miss Risk’s Reasons I Love Burlesque

Fringe. All the best things have fringe – benefits, lunatics and panties. From my experience as a child where I was mildly obsessed with a family friend’s lampshades that sported fringe (but was forbidden to touch) the seed got planted in my fertile little brain about the exoticness of fringe. Now I am equally enchanted with fringe as an adult but I prefer it on panties or bras to housewares.

Nudity. I enjoy seeing my friends naked on a regular basis. This is one of those fringe benefits I was referring to above. I usually have a curiosity of what people look like naked and I have the privilege of having a lot of attractive friends. I half suspect part of the reason that I got into burlesque in the first place is to get an eyeful. Yes, I know, I’m a pervert, but your not telling me anything I’m not already acquainted with. This is also part of the reason I hang out and Sin City fetish night too -  attractive partially naked people is something I like a LOT.

Nudity. Or, to be more specific, my own. People may not be as interested seeing my sport my birthday suit in m autumn years, but I have no issues doing so now. Burlesque is a good reason as any to flaunt it, and a captive audience is always a bonus. Not that we ever get down fully nude – that would be boring – but it revives people’s atrophied imaginations after living in an MTV society where your overloaded by overt sexuality. Besides, it takes a lot to be 3/4 nude and put out subtle sexuality.

The Gear. Corsets, stockings, high heels, copious amounts of make up… unless your a woman of leisure, your probably not going to do your day to day business in full drag every day of your life. Dita can pull it off, and so can Dolly Parton. Are you really going to wear fake lashes on your way to yoga? I tried… it’s hard. But living in the darkened nightclub light that is the natural habitat of burlesque dancers and their ilk, we can layer it on, cinch it in, and vamp it up. No one mistakes you for a common (or uncommon) streetwalker and your creativity with your appearance is celebrated, not shunned. For the record, power yoga is uncomfortable with fake lashes, FYI. I did it so you don’t have to.

The People. I had mentioned above that nudity is a big part of why I like burlesque. I am very much in favor of minimal clothing. Believe it or not, there are other people who like seeing people where minimal clothing too. I find that meeting people who have seen you mostly naked is a surprisingly enjoyable experience. No more will you wonder if they are actually paying attention to what your talking about or if they are picturing you naked. Now you KNOW they are picturing you naked but they have a good visual reference to go with and now they may even pay better attention to what your saying. They just know what you look like naked when your saying it.

There are dozens more reasons, but honestly, I think these are the main ones that spring to mind. Superficial? Shallow? Maybe. But no one can accuse me of not being honest. With all this in mind though, I’m going to get ready for our Ottawa show tonight and put all these things into practice, hopefully in other people’s minds.

See you at Maverick’s tonight, kids!

xoxox

Little Miss Risk

Okay, so I’m doing the continuation of fast food franchises and their resemblances to certain musical genres. Since I’m waiting for the rest of the BJB crew and the Reverend Deadeye to rouse themselves into a resemblance of awareness (or five minutes before Nicky Ninedoors kicks in BJB’s door and commandeers the jacuzzi tub and all hell breaks loose) I figured I’d eat some time doing this. Besides I have eaten way too much of this junk on tour already and this is kind of my literary bowel cleanse in lieu of an actual one….

Tim Hortons – (region specific) Canadian Rock

I was going to put this under ‘Canadian music” but then people would think Nickelback (shudder), Rush, Celine Dion and Michael Buble. This is slightly more specific and pertains to The Tragically Hip, Sloan, Hawksley Workman, etc. Basically Tim Hortons is a donut shop, started by the hockey player of the same name. Over the years they have have spread across Canada like acne across a greasy freshman’s face. But like Canadian Rock bands mentioned above, Tim Hortons and CBC you can perform a magic trick: cross the boarder into the USA and watch them magically disappear! Why is this? I’m not really sure. In Toronto The Tragically Hip can sell out huge venues but mention their name in, say, South Carolina and you get someone frowning and asking, “Who?” The fact is, outside of Canada nobody cares. Except other Canadians outside of Canada. It’s an interesting kind of ex-pat mentality that takes effect… no matter how much you hate them in your own country you find yourself talking about them to other Canadians when abroad. Weird. About as weird as my craving for a double-double and a maple dip at the present….

Burger King – Hip Hop

Like the musical genre of hip hop, BK has lost it’s way somewhat and is clouded. Overshadowed by gangster rap, legit hip hop gets stuffed behind misogynistic and materialistic BS. Poor Burger King is the same; delicious menu items offered in the European Burger Kings have yet to find their way across the pond. They just don’t fly in North America because the demand for mediocre fare accompanied by toxic plastic toys is too great. That’s the problem with western culture – it doesn’t know what’s good for it.

And now back to tour talk. We still have some USA dates as we leave Florida and make out way north and eventually back into Canada. We also have some summer dates to announce as well. Tell your friends…

Mar 30 – Charleston, SC @ Tin Roof
Mar 31 – Charlotte, NC @ Snug Harbour
Apr 01 – Richmond, VA @ Playing Field
Apr 02 – Morgantown, WV @ 123 Pleasant Street
Apr 03 – Lafayette, IN @ Lafayette Brewing Co
Apr 04 – Cleveland, OH @ Now That’s Class

SPRING 2010 CANADIAN DATES w/ local support:

Apr 05 – London, ON @ Call The Office
Apr 07 – Ottawa, ON @ Mavericks
Apr 08 – Montreal, QC @ The Green Room
Apr 09 – Toronto, ON @ The Horseshoe + White Cowbell
Apr 10 – Thunder Bay, ON @ Black Pirates Pub
Apr 12 – Winnipeg, MB @ The Pyramid
Apr 13 – Regina, SK @ The Gaslight
Apr 14 – Lethbridge, AB @ Henotic
Apr 15 – Edmonton, AB @ New City Suburbs
Apr 16 – Calgary, AB @ The Distillery
Apr 17 – Kelowna, BC @ Doc’s
Apr 18 – Kamloops, BC @ Dirty Jersey

SUMMER 2010 DATES:

May 14 – TBC
May 15 – Silverdale, WA @ Pinup Bizarre Kustom Kulture Festival
May 20 – TBC

Jun 18 – Bellingham, WA @ TBC
Jun 19 – Portland, OR @ ROSE CITY ROUNDUP FESTIVAL

Jul 04 – Seattle, WA @ Motor
Jul 06 – Spokane, WA @ Mooty’s

Hugs and hisses,

Little Miss Risk